14 PRACTICAL STEPS TO FINDING HAPPINESS
This are the practical steps to finding happiness. Here I will tell you about the methods, which will lead you to achievement of permanent inner happiness.
Step 1 – Meditate
Do you know about the world’s happiest man?
The brain studies of people, who regularly meditate, have revealed the direct relation between the practice and the state of peace, concentration and happiness.
Meditation has helped me very much toget rid of depression and become happy.
Meditation value consists in the fact that it is a very practical and applied thing. You may know any number of theories about positive thinking and read dozens of books on self-development. But without practice you will implement any theoretically principles much more difficult.
It is easy to say: “Be content with what you have”, and “Pay attention to the positive sides of your life.” But it is difficult to implement. Do these tips help you, when you are angry, in despair and nothing makes you happy? Everyone knows that it is not so easy to become an optimistic person and to notice only the positive sides.
It is as difficult as standing on your head, having simply read an article about how to do it.
It is easy to say: “During the headstand, keep your back straight and hold your look at one point, not to lose your balance.” Will these tips help you, if you’ve never stood on your head? No!
Because you need some practice and trained muscles in order to do this.
You could say that meditation is training of your “happy muscles.” While meditating, you develop strength, which helps you be happy, do not pay attention to the negative things around you and get rid of negative emotions. That is why I have placed meditation before other methods that can help you achieve happiness.
While meditating, you bring your mind into a state of happiness and you gain more control over yourself. When being in this state, it’s easier to keep your optimism and vacant mood. Everyone knows that during depression a person colors the world in gray tones: the surrounding people seem angry and sad, and the reality around loses its color.
Meditation has the opposite effect; it variegates the world, so that you see more good around you, and the usual things bring you more joy.
It is possible to say that while meditating, you open a free, independent of external circumstances and a constant source of happiness!
Of course, it’s not all that simple. Without refining yourself and conscious efforts, meditation will not make you happy! Do not wait for a miracle! This is an important thing and I want you to pay attention to it.
The practice acts not only as an harmless antidepressant, it also helps you understand yourself, be aware of the true reasons for your dissatisfaction, deal with fears, solve internal problems,develop awareness and get rid of unwanted emotions.
It gives you the ability to manage your psyche and work with it. But without this work, it will bring no good results.
Through meditation, people get rid of bad habits and thirst of momentary pleasure. This happens not only because the practice contributes to willpower development and people are able to confront their weaknesses easier.
Meditation gives the feeling of happiness and harmony. And, as I said in the section about pleasure, happy people do not need so much the momentary pleasure, which can be caused by drugs, sex, food, thrills, shopping, etc. Happy people are self-sufficient and independent of their happiness. Because all they need to enjoy the life is already inside them.
You may ask: If everything is so simple, why don’t all people meditate and why there are so many unhappy individuals and people with harmful addiction around us?
Everything is really not that difficult. We do not see many meditating people, for the same reason that not every one of us goes in for sports. Everyone knows how beneficial sport is. But not many people, who suffer from overweight and have health problems, use this method to be more healthy and attractive.
Why is this happening? After all, the benefit of sports is obvious. Most likely, due to laziness, lack of motivation or inability to achieve long-term goals.
Meditation, as well as sports, gives no immediate effect. You need to practice it regularly in order to achieve any results. Not everyone has patience and faith in this method.
Not all people go in for sports, let alone meditation, because this practice status in the mass culture is connected with religion and esoteric east doctrines.
Not all people take meditation seriously, despite the fact that science has been long studying the practice impact on the brain and has revealed a lot of positive effects of meditation.
Meditation is not necessarily a part of religion and it is not magic. It is an applied exercise that teaches you to manage your attention, control emotions and enjoy life.
Learn how to meditate properly.
Step 2 – Have No Regrets
It’s no use crying over spilt milk. Accept the consequences of your actions. You cannot change the past. But you can change the present and the future! Instead of grieving at the past, improve your present life and give of your strength for the future.
Step 3 – Take Care Of People
I am not a religious man, but I greatly respect the world religions. In my opinion, the major religions are united not by the idea of the Almighty God (for example, in Buddhism, there is no such idea at all) and not by some belief in supernatural forces, but, above all, by the values of love for your neighbors, compassion, altruism, forgiveness and freedom from passions.
In my opinion, the essence of religion is based, first of all, on these things, not on attending temples, committing ceremonies and rituals, being present at sermons, etc.
I believe that these values are widely applied in our earthly life! They are not only the ways to achieve some kind of post-mortem rescue! No! Compassion, kindness, care of people – is the recipe for earthly happiness!
Did you pay attention to the fact that misfortune, suffering and depression are, by their nature, extremely self-centered states? The unhappy person is obsessed only on his feelings and his grief. He does not care about other people’s problems. He thinks that his personal problems are big and significant!
Altruism and compassion are directed at other people. These qualities mean the ability to get distracted from your problems, your thoughts, your desires, and to understand that all these are not the most important things in your life and they do not create the whole center of existence! Consequently, care of your neighbors means freedom from passions and strong desires! And freedom means happiness.
The value of love for people (Update: not only for people, precisely, but for all living: animals, plants, nature, our planet) is both the cause and the consequence of happiness. Happy people do not close on themselves and do not think all the day about their problems; they bring happiness into the world and try to help other people. And in these actions they find new happiness!
Step 4 – Forgive And Do Not Criticize
Learn to forgive other people. This will teach you compassion and understanding. Offense, hatred and rage give birth to suffering and frustration. Love, kindness and forgiveness give birth to happiness.
Condemn and criticize people less. Stop gossiping and spinning intrigues. This will teach you to stop focusing on other people’ shortcomings and find their positive sides. It will also allow you to pay attention to your own imperfection and your problems’ reasons.
Step 5 – Do Not Complain About Life
Do not complain about circumstances, stop thinking and talking about how bad everything around you is. Can you change something with these thoughts? No. They only spoil your mood and make your life miserable.
I don’t urge you to wear rose-colored glasses and notice only the good things. I want you to stop focusing only on the bad things.
Of course, there are grief and injustice in life. It is a fact of life that you should accept. The world is what it is. There is no sense in whining and rejection.
Courageously accept your fate! This does not mean that you should accept it without resignation. Improve your life, change the world for the better, and accept the order of things in your life, which you cannot change!
This will save you from needless suffering and frustration over the fact that the real life does not always meet your expectations.
Step 6 – Take Responsibility
Stop blaming circumstances and people around for the fact that your life has developed not the way you wanted. You are responsible for it, not your parents, not your friends and not your government. Because you are free to change your life, and you have the biggest impact on it!
The personal responsibility is not the result of guilt, but the consequence of freedom! You make your own life and, therefore, you are responsible for it. Depriving yourself of responsibility means depriving yourself of freedom to have impact on yourself and on the world. And depriving yourself of freedom means depriving yourself of happiness!
Step 7 – Learn To Manage Your Emotions
Freedom from destructive passions, such as envy, pride, laziness, boredom, irritation and rage will make you a happy person! I don’t intend to dwell on here, because I devoted an entire article to the issue – “How To Control Negative Emotions.”
Step 8 – Get Rid Of Strong Attachments
The reason Monks stay in the monastery is to disconnect them from all emotional attachment. However, this method is unlikely to fit each individual. I am attached to my friends, to my wife, to my work and to many other things, and I get pleasure from these affections. I do not want to deprive myself of these emotions.
We are modern people and no one forces us to retire to a temple or monasteries and live there locked up, giving up all the usual pleasures. But this Monk's precept contains a certain wisdom, which can be used by a modern person as well.
No need to get rid of all attachments. You should simply have no strong affections, which fully create the basis of your existence.
Remember, I said that you should not think: “I will be happy when…” It’s not just the fact that you will not find happiness in the future, unless you find it inside you. Even if some activity will please you so much that you will forget about your misfortune, do not let it limit all your thoughts and positive emotions.
Because you will be left with nothing, if something goes wrong with this activity. Because you will have nothing, but this activity, and because it creates the only basis of your happiness. No need to make your harmony dependent on something else
I really want to keep developing this website. I put high hopes on it. But it is not my only joy! If suddenly I will be unable to continue this work for some reason, certainly I will be hard hit by this.
But it will not be the end of my life! I have many other pleasures in addition to the website!
A smart investor allocates his risk by investing his money in a number of different projects, while calculatingly considering the fact that if one of them fails, the rest will yield dividends. Quite the same, you should not attach only to one thing: to love for husband/wife or children, to your business, etc.
And if you think: “I’ll be happy when I’ll find my love” – then you run the risk of becoming dependent on this love, because, except it, you will have no other source of joy! Dependence is never compatible with healthy relationships.
Diversify your affections!
Step 9 – Find Your Calling
I’m not saying that you should definitely find your dream job. Calling is not necessarily identical to profession!
Maybe you like to dig in your garden on your plot of land and not to go to work! Why not consider it a calling? Therefore, you should choose your way of earnings in accordance with this calling, instead of turning this way into calling.
I will not dwell on this topic now, because I have an article on the websiteHow To Find Your Calling.
But remember that you should not be attached only to your calling, no matter what it consists of – working as a lawyer or helping other people! I have already mentioned this in the previous section and I simply want to remind you about this.
Step 10 – Smile!
This recipe for happiness is indicated in almost all materials devoted to the main issue of this article.
And I will not depart from this tradition. Of course, smile more. Psychologists have identified an inverse relationship between your facial expressions and your emotions. This means not only that, when you are happy, you smile. It also means that when you smile, you become joyful!
Step 11 – Content Yourself With What You Have
I know that in Catholic families before meals, people utter a prayer thanking God for their food, which is on the table.
Irrespectively the fact whether this gratitude reaches some higher being or not, I think that this tradition has a practical sense.
We are accustomed to the benefits that civilization gives us: continuous access to a variety of foods, relative life safety (in comparison with wild conditions), health care, relative independence of nature, etc.
We already take these things for granted, even though some part of the world’s population misses them. Many people live in poverty; they are suffering from drought, hunger and diseases. They would be very happy to have what we have. But we, in turn, have been long used to it and forgot to enjoy it.
The tradition of thanking for the food on the table reminds us that food is not givenness, once we thank someone for it. You have it today, but you can miss it tomorrow! Food is the foundation of our lives, without which we cannot exist.
I’m not saying that you should pray and thank someone for it. Just do not forget that if you have food and a roof over your head, and you do not have to gasp for life every day, then you have all the benefits in order to be happy.
Not every person on the Earth has these benefits. You must learn to rejoice over having them, because you do not die of hunger somewhere in a miserable hut. Learn to appreciate what you have.
Step 12 – Benefit From Any Experience
Find the good sides in every life experience, even in the most unpleasant one.
Were you fired? This is your chance to find what suits you best.
Did you have a spat with your wife? This gives you the opportunity to identify the shortcomings of your relations and improve them.
Did something excite you to anger? Life teaches you a self-control lesson. Use it as an opportunity to learn how to control your anger.
Virtually every experience has its advantages. “What does not kill us makes us stronger.” If you notice only the negative side of the experience, then you will miss many opportunities to become a better and stronger person.
Step13 – Maintain Your Health
Good health and sport activity will increase the content of endorphins in your brain. Endorphins cause the state of satisfaction and happiness.
A physically healthy person is less prone to psychological illness, despondency and depression, than people who have bad habits and do not care about their health.
Alcohol and smoking cause only temporary pleasure. But in the perspective, they violate the chemical balance in your brain and badly influence on its natural ability to maintain the happy state.
The more you use alcohol and other drugs, the more you get used to them and the more difficult you enjoy your life, while being in a sober state. Over time, the drugs themselves bring less and less joy, because of the habit. As a result, you do not become happier, but quite the contrary.
I meant this, when I said that sometimes happiness requires you to deny yourself some pleasure.
Quit smoking and drinking. Follow the sleep schedule and eating. Eat healthy food. Go in for sports. Meditate.
Step 14 – Communicate!
Healthy and full communication gives you joy. When you communicate, aim not only at telling something about yourself and about your problems. Learn to listen to your interlocutors and understand other people. What do they feel? What are they worried about? Can you help them somehow?
This will allow you to shift the focus of your attention from your problems to other people’s problems. You will understand that many of your worries and fears are trifling in comparison with other people’s problems.
Listen to people, learn from them and charge with their positive mood, but do not let their negativity get into you. Get acquainted with new people. Be honest and aim at deeper communication, not at some superficial exchange of remarks.
