12 WAYS TO KNOW IF IT'S TRUE LOVE

12 WAYS TO KNOW IF IT'S TRUE LOVE

Looking for that special someone has become a priority for many. Google shows over 300 million results for the search "online dating sites." There are more than 40 million American singles heading online to find love.

It may not be easy, but most people are now able to find someone to love. But not everyone knows how to keep love alive and growing through the years. I've been a marriage and family counselor for more than 40 years. I've also been happily married for 35 years.

Here are some things my wife, Carlin, and I have felt on our journey together:

1. Romantic love.

We all know the feeling. We meet, we connect, we fall in love. When we're in it, our world is turned upside down. We'd rather be with our beloved than eat, sleep or work. We feel on top of the world when our love is returned and crash to the depths if it looks like our love is threatened.

2. The desire to merge.

Lust is connected with romance. We want to merge our bodies, minds and spirits. Orgasmic intensity isn't just about pleasure. It's about wanting to share our hearts, souls, atoms and electrons. We want to lose ourselves and find the divine.

3. It's us against the world.

We no longer feel alone. We are now part of a pair. We feel the power of two and joy of being us. We're still in the world, but the world seems like the background. We two are the center, and the world is there to support and embrace us.

4. Longing to create.

The primal creation, the reason we are each here, is that a man and a woman came together, an intrepid sperm was welcomed by a wondrous egg, and we were launched into life. But in a world with too many people, we also create art, music, home, healing and other gifts for humankind.

5. Disillusionment.

The honeymoon time comes to an end. Disillusionment sets in. Our partner seems to change. They are not who we thought they were, and they aren't giving us what we longed to have. We wonder if we've made a mistake and begin turning away and looking for what is missing.

6. Incompatibility.

Incompatibility is grounds for true love. When we become disillusioned with our partner, we often feel we've become incompatible. But when we recognize that disillusionment can mean letting go of illusions, we can also let go of believing that incompatibility is a bad thing. It actually allows us to learn where our wounds have been hiding.

7. Discovering our wounded selves.

In looking away from our partner, we are forced to look within. We feel the pain of the trauma we all experience growing up in families that didn't adequately meet our needs. We recognize that we were hoping that our partner would make us whole. We were looking for love in all the wrong places.

8. Embracing Illness.

Everyone gets sick, but that's not a bad thing. Sickness can be our greatest teacher, our greatest guide. I got depressed. My wife got breast cancer. We both developed heart arrhythmias. We learned the lessons of illness and healed.

9. Learning the mathematics of true love and addictive love.

When we look for a partner to make us whole, we experience addictive love: "I’ve got to have him/her or I'll die." The math is ½ x ½ = ¼. The longer we're together, the smaller we become.

When we look to our partner to help us heal and grow, we are on the path of true love. The math is 1 + 1 = Infinity.

10. Turning back towards our lover and committing to being real.

Being real is not sweetness and light. It is passionate, painful and creative—much like making a baby and giving birth. Being real requires being part of a pair. Self-actualization is not something we do by ourselves.

11. Love is letting go of fear.

All our unhappiness and illnesses are fear-based. We're afraid of losing what we have or not getting what we need. We always have two choices. Do we feed the fear or do we feed the love? Whichever one we feed gets stronger.

12. Accepting that real, lasting love is a journey, not a destination.

Real, lasting love is something we create every minute of every day. It's the most difficult thing we do in our lives. It is also the simplest. But simple isn't always easy. Learning to love is the graduate school of life. Admission is free, but will cost you everything you have.

35 TRUTH ON HOW TO BE A GOOD WIFE

You love him. He loves you. Vows are exchanged. You wear bands of gold on your fingers to symbolize that you belong to one another. You're going to have a lovely time growing old together, but here are 35 truths about spending the rest of your life with the same man. 

1. Marriage is hard. Grandma told you it wasn't going to be a walk in the park, and Grandma was right. It's not a walk in the park. It's not even a jet-ski ride across the Gulf of Mexico during an F4 hurricane. It's hard!

2. Honeymoons come to an end. Receiving flower bouquets and sentimental love notes just because it's Thursday won't last forever. By the time Valentine's Day #3 rolls around, you're lucky to get a melted Snickers bar he found in the floorboard of his truck.

3. Arguing is inevitable. His horrible dishwasher-loading technique and mounds of belly button lint are going to strike a nerve like lightning strikes the Empire State Building.

4. He'll never stop farting. House plants may die and vomiting may be induced but this won't deter him. It's relentless, ya'll. Relentless.

5. He'll never use a coaster. No, aliens haven't contacted your coffee table. Those aren't crop circles; those are drink rings, courtesy of your better half.

6. He'll always miss the hamper by 2 inches. Men can kill animals from two football field lengths away, but they can't get a pair of boxer shorts in a big plastic container. Go figure.

7. He'll pee on the toilet seat. See #6

8. He'll request sex in awkward places. I know the effect chicken sandwiches have on most men, but he really does think the Arby's bathroom is a romantic spot for a soirée?

9. Love is not a feeling. Although you really love this man, some days you'll "feel" like setting him on fire while he sleeps in his recliner.

10. He's probably not listening to you. What was that? No, he's really not.

11. He'll compliment you in awkward ways. "Your breasts are like beach balls" is really a term of endearment. He could've said they're like tic-tacs.

12. You'll need to hold back the truth sometimes. Never tell him this: "That was fast. The commercial break isn't even over."

13. He's going to grope you relentlessly. Try to be flattered that he finds you irresistible while you make spaghetti in sweat pants and a Turbie Twist.

14. You'll forget what it's like to be single. Kind of like you don't remember life before your pet followed your every move, you won't remember what it's like to cook for one and watch Melrose Place on Netflix every night.

15. He'll question your sanity. That's okay. You know he's the reason you went crazy in the first place.

16. He won't remember most of your stories. You've told him about all of the horrible things your high school nemesis did to you, but when you run into her in Hobby Lobby, he'll assume you're old pals.

17. Keep private things private. Be a trustworthy spouse. His premature ejaculation should never be conversation at the Thanksgiving table.

18. He's thinking about sex. Always.

19. He's thinking about football. Always.

20. He's thinking about having sex on a football field. Always x 2.

21. Fidelity is important. Please don't sleep with his friends. If he's a good man, he won't sleep with yours.

22. Never compliment another man in front of him. I don't care if Matthew McConaughey is sitting next to you in McDonald's. Don't tell your husband you love the way he handles his Quarter Pounder.

23. You'll wonder how he walks around with that thing all day. Is it a burden having an appendage that dangles like that? It has to be, right? This will puzzle you for years to come.

24. He's going to thrust around naked in the bathroom. Just block it out and keep applying your eyeliner.

25. Don't tell him his manhood is "cute." "Mighty," "amazing," and even "intimidating" are all better choices. Puppies are cute; his penis is not.

26. Don't forget to make out. Remember the carefree days of courtship when you had a good old make out session? Kissing on the couch is good for the soul.

27. Life is not a Ludacris song. Get your old, married self out of the club and go home to your man every night. The same goes for him.

28. Marriage is not a Harlequin book. If a grandmother was reading your marital bed tales in a waiting room, she probably wouldn't blush. It's okay that he's not Fabio and you aren't a milkmaid.

29. You'll miss him when he's gone. He'll announce he has to go out of town for a week on business and you'll be ecstatic. You can sleep in the middle of the bed and live grope-free for seven whole days, but the truth is you'll miss that beautiful man once he's gone.

30. He needs sex. Like Wilford Brimley needs diabetic test strips.

31. Feed the man. I know you're tired, woman. I know the last thing you want to do is slave over a hot stove and make a homemade dish for your significant other but feed him at least one meat and potatoes meal per month. The way to his heart really is through his stomach ... and his sperm gun.

32. He'll go bald and get fat. One day you'll look at him and wonder when he turned into Burl Ives. Love him anyway.

33. Respect him. If he deserves your respect, freely and frequently give it to him. You have no idea how joyful and fulfilled your admiration makes him.

34. Cut him some slack. He's going to forget one birthday, one holiday or the anniversary of the first time you held hands in the Everglades on a Tuesday. This doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It means he's thinking about sex. And football. And a home cooked meal.

35. It's all worth it in the end. After you've helped him put new tennis balls on his walker, take a seat in your matching rocking chairs. Look down at your liver-spotted hand in his as your grandchildren frolic on the lawn and remember why you married this man. Then tell him you love him.

20 BRUTAL TRUTH ON HOW TO BE A GOOD HUSBAND

Listen up, husbands of the world.

First off, buyer beware: these are not so much "brutal" truths as they are reality checks for men who wonder how things really are on the other side of the matrimonial fence.

This isn't my secret journal (I don't think), and my wife will likely see this, as might her friends and family, so I won't be divulging any lurid insights for the sake of a few more shares on social media. (I'll save that for my next post: "Finger-Banging Your Way to the Fryolator: One Man's Misguided Attempt to Secure a Minimum Wage Job Through Unnecessary Sexual Favors." You're going to want to stick around for that one.)

In conclusion, dear reader, I've attempted to thoughtfully represent the manly side of being a husband, from the perspective of a guy who's been happily married for five years and has a toddler to show for it. Your mileage may vary.

1. You end up talking about poop way more than you ever expected. Between dogs and babies, up to 80 percent of your conversations in any given day center around which family member pooped, how frequently, and the exact consistency of said poop.

2. Even the best relationships will bend under the strain of money. Who's making it, who's not, who's making more. Should you be in the male half of a relationship and pulling in less bread, you'll feel twice as bad. However, I can still reach higher shelves, so there's that.

3. No matter how perfect your wife is, you'll find things wrong with her. These will be tiny things. Don't tell her about these things, because she knows lots of tiny things wrong with you and has the class and restraint not to share them.

4. She will continue to ask for foot rubs.The good news is, an average of one five-minute foot massage every six months is absolutely sufficient, according to a recent United Nations Security Council ruling.

5. Do some cooking. What is this, the 50s? Learn to cook, man! The bar is set very low for our gender, so if you know your way around a cookbook, you'll never need six-pack abs.

6. Cook together, if possible. Learn how cooking with your spouse can be a very sexy endeavor. At the end, there might even be lovemaking. (Yes, you have to call it lovemaking after mutual meal preparation.)

7. Not all of her underwear is the sexiest thing you've ever seen, but you should never mention this. She has comfy underwear, she has cotton underwear, she has "time of the month" underwear, and so on. But before you throw underwear stones, consider your own underwear game. Yeah, let that embarrassment hit you like a wave and then go offer an apology in the form of a five-minute foot rub. 

8. And the same goes for pajamas and general bedtime clothing. The exception to this rule is if you purchase something sexy and present it as a gift. That's a good loophole and a win for everybody.

9. The decrease in sex is 50 percent your fault. Sex frequency declines, especially after there's a kid in the picture, but half of this problem is absolutely your fault. Effort beyond blind groping in the dark is usually rewarded handsomely.

10. After your kid is born, the boobs are off-limits. Your wife's breasts will never be as big and bountiful as they are post-childbirth, and she will never be as disinterested in you touching them. You must learn to appreciate them from afar, like a priceless museum piece that you just want to suck on.

11. Being married is better than being single. Your single life wasn't as exciting as you think it was. You spent most of your time leaving bars, drunk and alone. It's helpful to go out with single friends every now and then to remind yourself of that fact.

12. She’s probably not thinking about sex as much as you are. But she's definitely thinking about chores that haven't been done and errands that haven't been run, so if you do those chores and run those errands, sex is almost certainly next on her to-do list. Probably. I've never tested this theory.

13. She won't like all of your male friends.Don't try to defend the one she really doesn't like, because she's right. He actually is a jackass.

14. She won't like all of your female friends. She'll be jealous of pre-existing female friends, of course, but don't expect to introduce a new female friend into the picture without accepting, and being accepting of, the kind of scrutiny usually reserved for Iran's nuclear ambitions.

15. You won't have the same parenting styles. No matter how eye-to-eye you see in matters of life, a real, live child forces you to put into practice all sorts of untested theories about what it means to raise an ethical human being. Not all of them are correct. Your wife will probably do things you suspect will irreparably harm your child later in life, but it may take decades to bear out that suspicion. In the meantime, relax.

16. Going out and getting drunk with your friends gets less cute as you get older. And it's almost not cute at all when you have a kid. There's a proven scientific amount of alcohol that will make you horny, insanely complimentary, and predisposed to foot rubs, so figure out what that amount is for you, and thank me later.

17. She doesn't want to hear that you find another woman attractive. No matter how strong your relationship is. Unless it's her mom. You can compliment her mom. But for god's sakes, not her sister.

18. Kick her out of the house every now and again. There's a certain type of wonderful wife who's so dedicated to her child and matters domestic that she'll forget to take some time to hang out with her friends. Remind her that she always feels better after a night out, and when she's gone, you can pretend to be a carefree, unattached guy who does what he wants. Unless you have a child. In that case, maybe just enjoy some light reading.

19. Going to bed at the same time does wonders for your relationship. It's tempting to stay up late and watch all the crap on the DVR she doesn't care about, but Drunk History will always be there tomorrow. There's no rule that says you can't dream about Derek Waters while you happily spoon your wife.

20. Remember why you signed up for this thing in the first place. There's almost no disagreement, bad day or horribly mismanaged dinner preparation that cannot be improved upon by kissing your wife and saying, "I love you." If not, try a foot rub. Those things work like gangbusters, man. 

THERE IS HOPE FOR YOU

From the desk of Pastor Tunde Daniels

Wednesday 7th October 2015

LIGHT FOR THE WAY
(Daily Devotional)

"I have...plan to give you the future you hope for" (Jeremiah 29:11TM).

THERE IS HOPE FOR YOU

In Jeremiah 29:11 we have a great promise in not so great chapter. If things are not going too well in your life at the moment, this verse is for you.
God's people were leaving in slavery in Babylon. Why? Because of disobedience to God. And worse, Babylon was a pagan country. It wasn't the kind of place you want to be as a christian, it was a moral spiritual wasteland. And top of that, the Isrealite's own preachers were leading them astray. So God told them, ' Dont let those so called preachers and know it alls..take you in their lies(Jer. 39:8-9TM). Yet in the midst of all these, along comes the God of hope saying, 'I still have a plan for you. Its not over till I say so. I'm going to turn things around for you. Your best days are ahead.
You say 'How do you know God has a plan for me? Because you are still breathing! He has a plan for every single person He ever created, and it never go out of date. Unlike the milk in your supermarket that has an expiration date on it after which it can be used, God's plans doesn't have an expiration dates. Even if you missed His plan entirely for years, that plan can still swing into action the moment you turn the control of your life to Him and fall in life with His will. Now, your plan might be somewhat modified from from what it would have been twenty years ago if you had paid attention, but that doesn't stop God. He can adapt to fit anything that comes up, in any life that's ever lived including yours. So, there is hope for you!

Prayer Point

Father God, thank you for your plan for my life. Help align my life to your plan for my life in Jesus name

Daily Bible Reading

Jeremiah 4-5; Philippians 4:1; Psalm 116 1-11

THE PROPHETIC WORD FOR TODAY

The Sovereign Lord says today that I am in you and
you are in Me. Because I am a quickening
Spirit, therefore you are being quickened for
I am on the inside of you. Enter into the
comfort that I have bequeathed you as your
portion in the season. Enter into My peace,
receive My peace, for My peace I leave with
you even in the night seasons says the
Father. When all others are losing their
heads, you will remain calm, cool and
collected because your mind is focused on
who I am on the inside of you and not the
lies of the enemy in the circumstance says
the Father. I am your peace and I will
therefore keep you in perfect peace. Let
your mind be stayed on Me and refuse to
worry about anything. I am your confidence
says the Lord so focus your mind on My
word and be assured that I will never leave
you, and I will never forsake you.
Find My strength and receive My strength.
Find the rest that I have accorded you. All
those cares that so easily beset you? Cast
them on Me. I take responsibility for
everything in your life this day that you could
possibly worry about. Do not allow yourself
to be fearful or troubled no matter what the
circumstance. Remind yourself every
moment that I am God of the circumstance
you are My beloved. Act in faith, expect in
faith, release your faith as precious seed
and know that the measure of faith I have
invested in you is producing beyond all your
expectations in the very area where you
need the most says the Lord.

BUILD YOUR INTEGRITY

From the desk of Pastor Tunde Daniels

Teusday 6th October 2015

LIGHT FOR THE WAY
(Daily Devotional)

"I have worked in...integrity...(Psalm 26:1)

BUILD YOUR INTEGRITY

To protect themselves from the barbaric hordes from the North, the people of China built the Great Wall. It was so high nobody could climb over it and so thick nobody could break through it, so they settle back to enjoy life. During the first hundred years of the wall's existence, China was invaded three different times. Not once did the enemy try to break down the wall or climb over it; they simply bribed the gatekeeper and marched in. While those that built the wall were relying on their wall of stone, they neglected to teach integrity to their children. As a result they grew up without moral or spiritual principles to guide them. Have you ever watched a tree fall while others around it stood tall? How come the same storm that build strength in one, and topple anothers? You will find the answer in the tree's core and roots. Getting the idea? When it comes to building integrity, here are some questions you should ask youself regularly: (1) am I the same, no matter who I am with (2) am I willing to make decisions that are best for others, even though another choice could benefit me more? (3) can I be counted to keep the commitments I've made to God, myself and other? Can you say like the psalmist, 'judge me, O Lord; for I have walked in mine integrity...?(Psalm 26:1). Life is like a vice: at times it will squeez you. In those moments whatever is inside will come out. Image-building and self interest promise much but produce little, but integrity never disappoint, so work on your integrity.

Prayer Point

Father, give me the strength to live according to the integrity of your word in Jesus name.

Daily Bible Reading

Jeremiah 3-4; philipians 2:12-30; Psalm 115:12-18

4 MENTALITIES THAT CAN RUIN ANY CAREEER

4 career mentalities you can't afford to have

A recent survey by LinkedIn of over 10,000 job changers shows that more than 53 percent of them made the change for better career opportunities. While money was important (it ranked second), the need to move to a job that could give them the chance to increase their skills was their primary reason for making the switch. These successful job changers focused on making sure their businesses-of-one stayed employable by keeping their career moving forward. Unfortunately, not every professional will succeed as these job changers did. Why? They have one of four career mentalities that hold them back.

1. Overthinker. The person who thinks about every career option as a scary risk, finding flaws and roadblocks to each one. Such people spend hours, days, weeks, and even years pondering what they should do next. Meanwhile, time marches on in their dead-end jobs. They don't build any new skills. Eventually, they find themselves part of a "corporate restructuring"--they get a month's severance and get thrusted into an unexpected job search.

2. One-track-minder. The person who knows exactly what he or she wants to do and has no desire to consider any alternate options. Convinced they've got the perfect master plan, they work like crazy, often to the point of exhaustion. Over time, their intensity works against them. Co-workers and managers see them as too rigid and controlling, which often gets them passed over for promotions--and, in some cases, let go for failing to be a good team player.

3. All-talker. The person who loves to talk about his or her career, but never really takes action. Such people are full of ideas and sound very convincing that they'll be a huge success. They seem to have it all figured out. However, as time passes, you notice they aren't moving along in their careers. They always have an excuse, and it's usually someone else's fault they aren't where they should be. Eventually, they lose credibility and find people actively try to avoid career conversations with them.

4. Open-roadster. The person who feels fate will guide him or her on the career journey. If they just keep an open mind and let the opportunities present themselves, they believe they'll find the careers they were meant to have. Over time, they drift from career to career, never really establishing any particular skill or specialty. They claim they're enjoying the process, but as the years pass, they find themselves with diminishing options and not a lot of money saved for retirement.

Looking back on your career, can you identify with any of these mentalities? If so, it might also explain why you aren't where you want to be professionally.