Almost every marriage starts out as a huge celebration.
Together with their family and friends, each couple is full of hopes and dreams
for their future life together. But the road to a happy marriage is far from
easy. And as today’s divorce statistics demonstrate all too well, many couples
opt not to complete the journey.
It would be easy to blame our high rate of marital
failure on things like not spending enough quality time together, allowing
bitterness and resentment to build in our hearts and failing to keep
communication lines open. There’s no end to books, articles and seminars that
tell you how to improve these and many other aspects of your relationship. But
while quality time, forgiveness and communication are vitally important to
creating a happy marriage, if such things aren’t happening, it’s usually a sign
of a much deeper problem. And until this problem is addressed, no amount of
external behavior modification will work.
To get a hint of what this deeper issue might be, let’s
take a look at the following Scripture passage:
One of them, an expert in the law, tested him [Jesus]
with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your
heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and
greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as
yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
(Matthew 22:35-40)
I believe that virtually every marital problem can be
traced back to one or both partners failing to abide by these two laws. The
same is true of any relationship. The minute we begin to focus on our own wants
and needs over those of God or our partner; we’re destined for trouble.
Experiencing communication problems in your marriage? How
often do you really focus on listening to what your partner (or God) has to say
instead of insisting on more airtime? Feeling bitterness and resentment growing
toward your partner? When was the last time you brought him or her before the
Lord in prayer and truly thanked God for your relationship? Struggling to find
quality time together? How about praying with your partner and asking God how
he would like you to use your time?
As you begin to do these things, you’ll notice that your
focus automatically starts to shift away from you and your desires and over to
God and your partner. As a result, communication problems begin to improve,
anger and resentment fade away and you naturally want to spend more time
together. Of course, you can’t expect such changes to happen overnight. Your
relationship is also bound to face financial pressures, childrearing issues and
other problems that are beyond your control. But if you commit your
relationship to God and make a conscious decision each day to put God and your
partner first, your marriage will be able to weather any storm. Not only that;
you’ll also have plenty of fun together along the way!
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