people never really give much thought about trust throughout the day. We seemingly know that it exists, we know its important but we don’t really realize just how important it is until we lose it.
you’re here reading this, I assume maybe you did something to lose trust in your own relationship, or maybe you were the person who was hurt and are looking for an explanation to figure out why they would do that.
The truth is, anytime trust is broken in a relationship it always involves someone getting hurt. If trust wasn’t important to us than it wouldn’t hurt so much when someone broke it.
My Story…
This is a good time to share my own experiences. About three years from today I made a major mistake of breaking the trust in my own relationship with my girlfriend (now married).
I was bored one night and this girl messaged me on msn messenger. We ended up chatting for awhile with some flirtation and eventually went on Skype. Keep in mind, I had a very bad history of flirting with women and sexually chatting with them.
That night my girlfriend noticed I was on Skype and asked me what I was doing on there since it was pretty late. I lied to her and told her I was talking with some of my friends back home but she knew I was lying.
Later on she looked at my phone and also noticed there was a name of a girl on my call log. At this point I knew I was caught and had to tell her the truth. I broke down and confessed everything.
I told her the truth about that night on msn messenger and how I was really talking to another older girl. I also confessed that I was on a few dating websites.
I had over 3000 friends on myspace and the majority of them were women. I also had a bunch of msn messenger contacts that were mainly women. I told her that I watched pornography frequently behind her back. I told her everything and we both cried together for several hours.
She wanted to take a break in our relationship and see if God really wanted us to be together. We exchanged emails back and forth for awhile, which we saved to serve as an important reminder of how important honesty and trust is in a relationship.
A couple weeks later we met and had a true heart to heart talk about the direction of our relationship and whether God really wanted us to be together. I knew that I broke not only her heart but I had broken the trust that she had in me.
What Changed After I Broke The Trust?
If it wasn’t for God’s strength and example of grace, she told me we would never still be together today. I knew at that moment that I had to change but I couldn’t do it on my own.
God put it on my heart to do some major changes to build that precious trust in our relationship again. The first thing He put on my heart was that I had to have a foundation built on Him. I saw a vision one night and I know without a doubt it was God.
I saw two houses, one house was built on solid rock, it was stable and firm, and when a storm came it wouldn’t move. The other house was built on sand, it swayed back in forth in the wind and when a big storm came the house would start to collapse.
As you can guess, a foundation that is built on God provides the stable foundation that allows two people with a heart for God, to get through anything that life brings its way. The other house was an example of a relationship built on the world. The world’s morals are constantly changing, their really is no foundation other than whatever each person believes in, which of course changes over time.
I knew that my foundation wasn’t built on God, I was shaky and when I got stressed or lonely I had a tendency to ‘grab’ for the things that helped me cope. Instead of alcohol or drug I grabbed for ways to feel better about myself which was approval by women.
I knew that it was going to take some time for my girlfriend to trust me again. I also knew though that I couldn’t sit back idly to restore trust, I had to be active and I could only do it with God’s help. I decided to stop trying to take control of my life and instead let God lead me.
Wow, did he start to take control! The first thing he put on my heart was to put up a norton monitoring program. Basically, my girlfriend could see every place that I went to on the internet and it even blocked all pornographic sites, chat sites, and dating sites.
The next thing I did (with her watching) was eliminate all msn messenger contacts, all unnecessary phone numbers, and all facebook friends who weren’t really my friends.
These may seem drastic to a lot of people but my girlfriend and I vowed that if God really meant for us to be together in marriage, than we needed to fix these things BEFOREmarriage, so we didn’t become just another divorce statistic.
The steps I took also showed to her that I really loved her and that I was willing to do anything for her. It wasn’t easy for me to give up those things and I did stumble frequently early on. However, we both noticed that I was stumbling less and less into the same sins that had held me captive for many years.
She started to notice the changes in me and couldn’t ignore them. We both knew that God was really changing my heart, healing me from my past hurts, and leading me to become the Christian man he wanted me to be. I know that is why she is still with me and never gave up on me.
As you can see, if you’ve broken the trust in a relationship than your going to have to make some drastic changes to rebuild that trust. Your going to have to fight for him or her and show them through your ACTIONS and not your words that you truly love them.
It is only by God’s grace, strength, and love that I was able to have victory over the many sins that held me prisoner.
The 3 most important things I learned from this experience:
God’s example of grace andforgiveness is what allowed my girlfriend to truly forgive me for my sins, God’s love set an example for me about what true love really was and how I needed to show her that same love, God’s leadership directed me in ways to restore the trust in our relationship and Hisstrength helped me overcome my past sins which were causing it.
The common thing in all of this, is of course, God, without Him, it would have been impossible and we would never be together today. But with Him, what seemed to be insurmountable became possible. We’re a walking truth and example of how anything is truly possible with God.
No matter how much pain you might be feeling from the broken trust, or how lost your marriage or relationship might seem, God can restore it but you need to start over…with Him.
“For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” -Philippians 4:13
you’re here reading this, I assume maybe you did something to lose trust in your own relationship, or maybe you were the person who was hurt and are looking for an explanation to figure out why they would do that.
The truth is, anytime trust is broken in a relationship it always involves someone getting hurt. If trust wasn’t important to us than it wouldn’t hurt so much when someone broke it.
My Story…
This is a good time to share my own experiences. About three years from today I made a major mistake of breaking the trust in my own relationship with my girlfriend (now married).
I was bored one night and this girl messaged me on msn messenger. We ended up chatting for awhile with some flirtation and eventually went on Skype. Keep in mind, I had a very bad history of flirting with women and sexually chatting with them.
That night my girlfriend noticed I was on Skype and asked me what I was doing on there since it was pretty late. I lied to her and told her I was talking with some of my friends back home but she knew I was lying.
Later on she looked at my phone and also noticed there was a name of a girl on my call log. At this point I knew I was caught and had to tell her the truth. I broke down and confessed everything.
I told her the truth about that night on msn messenger and how I was really talking to another older girl. I also confessed that I was on a few dating websites.
I had over 3000 friends on myspace and the majority of them were women. I also had a bunch of msn messenger contacts that were mainly women. I told her that I watched pornography frequently behind her back. I told her everything and we both cried together for several hours.
She wanted to take a break in our relationship and see if God really wanted us to be together. We exchanged emails back and forth for awhile, which we saved to serve as an important reminder of how important honesty and trust is in a relationship.
A couple weeks later we met and had a true heart to heart talk about the direction of our relationship and whether God really wanted us to be together. I knew that I broke not only her heart but I had broken the trust that she had in me.
What Changed After I Broke The Trust?
If it wasn’t for God’s strength and example of grace, she told me we would never still be together today. I knew at that moment that I had to change but I couldn’t do it on my own.
God put it on my heart to do some major changes to build that precious trust in our relationship again. The first thing He put on my heart was that I had to have a foundation built on Him. I saw a vision one night and I know without a doubt it was God.
I saw two houses, one house was built on solid rock, it was stable and firm, and when a storm came it wouldn’t move. The other house was built on sand, it swayed back in forth in the wind and when a big storm came the house would start to collapse.
As you can guess, a foundation that is built on God provides the stable foundation that allows two people with a heart for God, to get through anything that life brings its way. The other house was an example of a relationship built on the world. The world’s morals are constantly changing, their really is no foundation other than whatever each person believes in, which of course changes over time.
I knew that my foundation wasn’t built on God, I was shaky and when I got stressed or lonely I had a tendency to ‘grab’ for the things that helped me cope. Instead of alcohol or drug I grabbed for ways to feel better about myself which was approval by women.
I knew that it was going to take some time for my girlfriend to trust me again. I also knew though that I couldn’t sit back idly to restore trust, I had to be active and I could only do it with God’s help. I decided to stop trying to take control of my life and instead let God lead me.
Wow, did he start to take control! The first thing he put on my heart was to put up a norton monitoring program. Basically, my girlfriend could see every place that I went to on the internet and it even blocked all pornographic sites, chat sites, and dating sites.
The next thing I did (with her watching) was eliminate all msn messenger contacts, all unnecessary phone numbers, and all facebook friends who weren’t really my friends.
These may seem drastic to a lot of people but my girlfriend and I vowed that if God really meant for us to be together in marriage, than we needed to fix these things BEFOREmarriage, so we didn’t become just another divorce statistic.
The steps I took also showed to her that I really loved her and that I was willing to do anything for her. It wasn’t easy for me to give up those things and I did stumble frequently early on. However, we both noticed that I was stumbling less and less into the same sins that had held me captive for many years.
She started to notice the changes in me and couldn’t ignore them. We both knew that God was really changing my heart, healing me from my past hurts, and leading me to become the Christian man he wanted me to be. I know that is why she is still with me and never gave up on me.
As you can see, if you’ve broken the trust in a relationship than your going to have to make some drastic changes to rebuild that trust. Your going to have to fight for him or her and show them through your ACTIONS and not your words that you truly love them.
It is only by God’s grace, strength, and love that I was able to have victory over the many sins that held me prisoner.
The 3 most important things I learned from this experience:
God’s example of grace andforgiveness is what allowed my girlfriend to truly forgive me for my sins, God’s love set an example for me about what true love really was and how I needed to show her that same love, God’s leadership directed me in ways to restore the trust in our relationship and Hisstrength helped me overcome my past sins which were causing it.
The common thing in all of this, is of course, God, without Him, it would have been impossible and we would never be together today. But with Him, what seemed to be insurmountable became possible. We’re a walking truth and example of how anything is truly possible with God.
No matter how much pain you might be feeling from the broken trust, or how lost your marriage or relationship might seem, God can restore it but you need to start over…with Him.
“For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” -Philippians 4:13
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