5 Myths About Happiness
Myth 1 – Happiness Depends On External Things (Money, Houses, Cars, Love Partners, Success, and Quality Of Life)
This is a wrong belief. I am not surprise by the fact that the majority of people profess this belief.
As I said earlier – everyone instinctively strain after happiness or pleasure. But not everyone knows where to find it; therefore, he is guided by those recipes for happiness searching, which are available to him.
The Western civilization is imbued with the cult of wealth, success, and consumption. Therefore, these values become the benchmarks of modern man in his aspiration of escaping from dissatisfaction.
I cannot say that all people identify happiness with money and success. At the beginning of the article, I said that people are looking for happiness, where it is not present. But, in fact, they do not want happiness; they want something else, something that replaces the happiness.
Many people do not really know what the status of this state is, and associate it with pleasure and temporary satisfaction.
The modern man’s attitude to happiness can be expressed in the following formulation: “Happiness? I do not quite understand what it is. Perhaps, it’s an abstract concept, an individual utopia analogue. Something unattainable and incomprehensible. The feeling of pleasure associated with money, sex, alcohol, and love intrigues is much clearer and closer to me. Maybe, this is the very happiness? Or maybe not. But, since I have no other idea of how to achieve satisfaction and comfort (and how to avoid dissatisfaction), I will be guided by the things available to me.”
In other words, the concept of happiness is not something specific to many people. Everyone understands it as something special for himself and chases his phantoms, which promise to reveal to him the source of continuous pleasure. But often such pursuit leads to nothing, but dissatisfaction.
Happy people have no doubt that they are happy. I have no doubt as well.
First, I want to say that happiness can be achieved. Namely happiness as a permanent state, not happiness as a chain of temporary pleasures.
Secondly, it largely depends on you, not on external conditions.
Happiness is an internal and subjective state. It is not determined by the country you live in or how much money you have.
I think that this statement doesn’t contradict the ordinary experience. Each of us knows that people may live in the same conditions, while being happy in different ways.
Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychology professor, says in her book – The How of Happiness – that according to research, happiness depends on you 4 times stronger, than on external factors!
In turn, my own experience supports this statement. Over the last few years, the conditions in which I live have certainly changed, but not considerably. However, I have changed from an unhappy and depressed person, into a happy personality. All these occurred not because of the external changes, but thanks to refining myself, personal metamorphoses, i.e. internal changes.
My experience persuades me of the truth of this article’s main idea better, than any scientific calculations. After all, my perception of life, my positions, my attitude to many things and my emotional state have changed. All these helped me find my happiness.
Myth 2 – Happiness = Pleasure
Many people think that life happiness is formed by pleasure summation. For example, in the morning you drank some hot coffee with pleasure, at work your boss spoke highly of you, in the evening you drank some wine and had sex.
Do you think that all these little treats in their amount make the desired and great life happiness? Not exactly.
Happiness is not a pleasure. How does it differ from it?
Happiness depends on external stimuli not as strong as a temporary pleasure does. What do you need to get pleasure? To buy something, to make money or to get acquainted with someone. This means that you achieve pleasure indirectly through some things. And happiness depends on these things not very much, because it an internal state. (That is why people think that happiness can be obtained only with the help of money, affairs, power or things. They confuse it with pleasure.)
Consequently, the thirst of pleasure makes you dependent on external things, whereas there is no happiness. Happiness is not affected by inflation, as opposed to pleasure. How should you understand it? Quite simple. For example, earlier someone was pleased to drink a glass of cheap wine in a bar on the city suburb, but now, a bottle of 50-year-old wine that is drunk in a luxurious restaurant brings less pleasure.
People get used to the pleasure and glut themselves with it. As a result, there no is no other pleasure in their life and they simply need more and more resources to maintain this escaping pleasure.
But, since happiness depends only on the internal state, it is not subject to depreciation. There is no need to maintain it constantly by external stimuli. You will be almost equally happy in different life conditions. Happiness is evident in perspective. Your momentary state may be different. Sometimes you have a bad mood, sometimes a good one. But it has nothing to do with happiness. After all, happiness is not a temporary state and not a keen pleasure, which is experienced by every cell of the body. This is something that raises above all your mood fluctuations and is not subject to them. In other words, it is not quite correct to ask yourself: “Am I happy now?”, “Was I happier yesterday, than today?” After all, happiness is not directly related to the experienced moment.
But if you try to increase the perspective and think: “Am I happy at all? During my whole life or during the last few years?” Then you will be able to understand, whether you are happy or not. Even if yesterday you were sad, it does not mean that you are unhappy at all. According to this point of view, we can say that happiness is some kind of “metastate”, which manifests itself in long term and is permanent, as opposed to temporary pleasures.
Happiness is like a lighthouse, which stands on the shore, while you are abroad a ship on the open sea, away from the shore. Sometimes the waves block the lighthouse, but you can still see it by climbing the mast. This lighthouse will be always there, no matter what severe gale you may run into.
Happiness does not enslave you. If you have reached it, then it will not slip away from you, like pleasure does. You already have it and you do not need much for this.
Pleasure is not the same as happiness. Moreover, for the sake of happiness quite often you have to sacrifice this pleasure. The pleasure way (hedonism) is, in fact, not a permanent bliss, as many probably think. This is a suffering and dissatisfaction way!
Thу last statement seems paradoxical. Let me explain it. If you try to get as much pleasure as possible, then sooner or later you will come to satiation, and you will want more sex, money, drugs or power in order to maintain the same pleasure level. (This is the pleasure inflation.)
This tendency and expanding hunger cannot be sustained eternally, because your resources are limited.
Your health is not eternal and you will be unable to get pleasure from alcohol and fatty food continually. Sooner or later it will cease to bring anything but displeasure and diseases. Your money is not endless as well, and you will fail to meet your every new whim.
As a result, the run for pleasure will turn into eternal frustration and dissatisfaction. You will never be able to satisfy your every desire at its whistle. And if you become a slave of your pleasure, then your desires will become whimsical and uncontrollable, like little spoiled children that will pester you during your whole life!
Let it sounds oddly, but I want to tell you that, in order to be happy, sometimes you have to be able to deny the pleasure!
Strong passions and uncontrolled desires lead to suffering. To avoid this suffering that may cause addiction and destructive impulses, you need to be able to deny the pleasure that promise you these things! Happiness is based on freedom! Freedom from strong desires and passions!
A lack of life happiness makes people seek to pleasure constantly, because therein they see the only way to feel alive.
But happy people need it not so much. They already have all they need…
Myth 3 – I’m Unhappy Because … I’ll Be Happy When…
Many people think this way: “I am unhappy because I live in a bad country, or I have a bad job, or I do not have such a car as my neighbor has, or I did not realize my potential, or I do not have a love partner. But when I move to another country, change my job, buy a car as my neighbor has, find my vital vocation and love, then I will find my happiness!”
As I said, I do not consider that personal happiness does not depend on these things. The fact is that you cannot simply restrict it only to them. If you are deeply unhappy, then the possession of these things will not bring you the desired feelings.
Why do you still continue to believe in some sort of happiness somewhere in the abstract future?
Because your mind tries to get you out of the dissatisfaction state. You suffer, but you do not know why. And your brain seeks to find some causes of your unhappiness, and, following the well-established habit, finds them in the outside world. You simply want to hope that this dissatisfaction will pass, when you reach something. You want to think that you know what has caused your dissatisfaction.
A person wraps himself in an illusive and false hope, simply to hope for something. Will this hope come true? Not always.
Many of us eagerly pursue some goals, being in the pursuit of happiness. Does these goals’ achievement give you something, except temporary satisfaction? No! When we reach the goal, after a while we begin to feel dissatisfied again and we want something more.
The man’s mind is geared to get used to the good. Many people are unable to content themselves with what they have, but they experience dissatisfaction concerning the things they do not have. The euphoria, caused by the purchase of a car like your neighbor has, will be replaced by dissatisfaction because of the lack of a car like your boss has.
In addition, misfortune, as an internal state, projects itself on the outside world in person’s mind. He thinks that everything is bad, though namely his perception colors the world in gray. The surrounding things are not bad. Namely his susceptibility to depression and dissatisfaction perception makes them so.
In view of the aforesaid, his aspiration to find harmony by means of changing the scene and buying new things does not succeed. After all, no matter where he goes, whatever he buys – his perception, which notices only the bad, will always be with him and will not go anywhere. He will not find satisfaction, and will always think about the things he does not have, rather than about those he has.
When moving to another country in search of utopia, one may realize that everything in that country is not as good as he imagined at first. His negative attitude again finds many shortcomings of the new environment. You cannot escape from your inner unhappiness by changing the residence.
New activity and new job will eventually bore a man, as well as all his former activities, because deeply inside he is unhappy.
Love will bring euphoria and feeling of happiness. Unfortunately, these feelings do not last forever. Once they pass, the disappointed personality will find itself in the same dissatisfaction state and will start a new pursuit.
By these arguments I do not want to cause pessimism, saying that nothing is eternal and no things will bring you constant joy. It is not so. Happiness can be achieved, but you cannot see it only in these things, otherwise you will be disappointed. I want to warn you against false paths and rid of illusions.
You have to learn to be happy right here and right now, without drawing yourself a utopia in the future. And you have to find this happiness inside you.
Myth 4 – Rich People Are Happier Than People Of Moderate Means
It is not so. According to researches, there are no special distinctions in the value judgment degree of the happiness level between the rich people and people of moderate means. Happiness does not increase with income (on the contrary, the income increases with happiness – we’ll talk about this later in this section).
However, according to the same researches, namely the necessary condition for happiness is that income which provides you a life above the poverty line and gives you an opportunity to make ends meet. But happiness will not increase with the increase of your earning above this level!
Why? As I wrote earlier, a person gets used to the good! He even gets used to have a yacht and own a private island! I spoke about this in the preceding section. But, if a person is unhappy and notices only the bad, then these things will bring him no joy!
Therefore, you should not think that rich people have no problems and that you cannot be a happy man without wealth.
However, there is an inverse relationship. Happiness attracts money!
Happy people are self-confident and able to cope with stress and solve problems. They achieve their goals better, than whiners-losers. Consequently, they are more successful in life. New achievements, acquaintances and acquisitions are able to make some contribution to the sum of your zest for life (although they are unable to bring you happiness, if you have not achieved it inside you).
Happy people attract more additional happiness, than the unhappy ones!
There is nothing wrong with beautiful things, material security and comfort living conditions, but, as I wrote above, these things can be easily achieve by people, who are already happy, because of their personality’s properties.
Myth 5 – Smart People Are Mostly Unhappy
This belief is related to the fact that intellectually gifted and talented people have supposedly more complicated psyche, than fools. They clearly see all the world imperfections, therefore, suffer more.
Some people even perceive their own tendency to suffering almost as a virtue, as evidence of a superior intelligence and sophisticated psyche organization.
But the fact is that being happy is much more difficult, than being unhappy. The first one requires effort, refining yourself and developed willpower, while the second one – requires nothing.
Despondency does not make you cool. It does not speak about the developed intelligence; it only shows that you have not refined yourself, and therefore, the majority of your qualities were not developed.
Perhaps, the intelligence development somehow affects the level of your happiness, but misfortune is not the direct result of intelligence development. It is rather a consequence of your shortcomings.
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